求超级搞笑的英语打油诗！明天要用

1.一个中国人在英国目睹了一起车祸，由于他是唯一目击者所以警察只能询问英语水平并不高的他，回答如下

One car come one car go,Two car Dongdong(咚咚）One car die

2.Chengdu，an ancient city of ancient China/Is called the KingdomofHeaven/A heaven to be deeply understood/A heaven ofvariousfood/Its got crunchy snacks/As well as spicy hot-pots/Whyits sohard for me/To put my comments all in words/Tke a pieceofLongchaoshou or Zhong Shuijiao/Theyll leave you anunforgettabletaste/As for Fuqifeipian and Dandanmian/……MapodoufuandHuiguorou/With time their names grow/Plus a Shuizhuyu, slicedfishin spicy sauce/ who can live without Sichuan food even hejusttastes it once！

译文：中国有个成都，号称天府之国。目光所及之处，美食琳琅满目。小吃回味悠长，火锅麻辣鲜香，川菜百味齐备，片语难以概全。龙抄手、钟水饺，吃后满嘴香飘绕。夫妻肺片、担担面，随处想吃随处买……最后拿出看家菜，麻婆豆腐、回锅肉，外加一盘水煮鱼，宁愿一辈子沉醉在川菜王国里！

3.WOMEN

by Marvin Yip.

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman

If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying

If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing

If you don't, you are not understanding

If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'

If you don't you are half a man

If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring

If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy

If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad

If you don't , she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her

If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait

If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel

If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold

If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics

If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics

If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting

If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen

If you listen, she wants you to talk

Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN'

So simple, yet so complex

So weak, yet so powerful

So confusing, yet so desirable

"O LORD, tell me what to do. AMEN"

吻她吧，不够君子

不吻吧，不象汉子

夸她吧，说你欺骗

不夸吧，嫌你笨蛋

顺她吧，你气管炎

不顺吧，解人不善

太浪漫，疑你老练

太规矩，你抻不展

常看她，招她厌烦

少去点，怨你猎艳

穿得好，说你花心

邋遢些，缺个心眼

吃醋吧，你太狭隘

大度点，说你不爱

求欢吧，不够尊重

安分呢，不够爱宠

你晚了，她等得烦

她晚了，女孩特权

你访友，是你堕落

她聚会，天性其乐

少亲她，你太冷淡

老亲她，便宜你占

过街不管，道德有缺憾

领着她走，男人耍手段

你看别人，是挑逗风情

别人看她，是仰慕佳艳

你要说话，她让你听着

洗耳恭听，她逼你开言

上帝啊！

为何拆我骨头造女人

简简繁繁

怯怯炎炎

我晕头转向

我魂萦梦牵

求你告我怎么办！